Here I Go Again

This past year, the school calendar in my district shifted to a start date in early August, which meant that last summer, I lost two weeks of my summer break. I realize it's tough for most working people reading this to conjure any sympathy for me, seeing as my vacation time still far outstrips most of yours, but for the sake of this post, just work with me. Pretend it's sad. I was sad, at any rate, and I consoled myself by deciding I would start saving for another trip to Europe. Save I did, and now that summer has rolled around again, I am about to embark on another adventure to Belgium and the UK (primarily Wales).

Why Belgium and Wales? I settled on Wales first for a few reasons: I've never been there before, I wanted to go somewhere with beautiful and somewhat wild/remote landscapes without actually being too far from civilization, and it's got the Wye River Valley and Tintern Abbey, which is the inspiration for a famous Wordsworth poem that my students read. I love visiting locations significant to the literature I teach--the kids love seeing the photos, and I get to write off part of the trip on my taxes. From there, I decided I wanted to visit another country I'd never visited before that wasn't far from the UK. I looked at a map, and when I saw Belgium, I remembered watching In Bruges years ago and, unlike the character Ray, loving what I saw of the city in the film. That, and when I started talking about it as a possibility, people were suddenly coming out of the woodwork as Bruges-lovers. The typical response I'd get was a dreamy look, big sigh, and exclamation of "Oh, Bruges! I love Bruges!" Turns out Belgium also has some other really cool cities with lots of medieval history and I read that most people there speak English. Sold!

To answer a couple other FAQ's, I am going alone, and I am not joining a tour group. Planning everything myself, which I've done for all my past trips as well, has mostly been interesting and fun, although sometimes stressful and draining as all this legwork has eaten up hours and hours and forced me to make numerous decisions in a short amount of time. Labor aside, most people respond to the fact that I'm traveling alone sans travel group by saying, "You're brave!" I appreciate that characterization, and while I'd love to be able to own it and say, "Yes, yes I am!" the truth is that I am not brave. There is a part of me that is excited about this trip and knows from past experience that once I'm there, I'll have a wonderful time. But there is also part of me (the dominant part this final week) that is full of anxiety and dread, and irrationally thinks things like, "Why am I leaving? I like my house! I like staying home! I don't need to go anywhere--I have Netflix!" I worry about whether I'll pack the right things and bring the right size suitcase. I worry about figuring out transportation and navigating. Keep in mind, I'm someone who gets completely disoriented just coming out a different part of a parking structure than I went into. I worry about weather. I worry about getting lonely. And then there are the travel advisories from the State Department about "all of Europe" being vulnerable to terrorist attacks and recommending that travelers avoid train stations, popular public spaces, and pretty much everywhere a tourist might actually go. I guess I could just go hang at the local playground, but even there I could find myself surrounded by conflicted Irish assassins:

(Seriously, if you haven't seen In Bruges and you like dark comedies, you need to watch this. Also excellent and offering more of the wonderful Brendan Gleeson: The Guard and Calvary--written and directed by the brother of the In Bruges director).

So, fear and anxiety. They are, I've learned, an inevitable part of travel for me, and that's partly why I keep doing it--to keep re-learning that I can get past the fear and anxiety and have a great experience, which is a pretty good thing to learn and remember for all of life. My problem is that my amygdala never quite grasps this, so it's a bit of a struggle each and every time. One of the things on my to-do list today is to call my doctor for a new prescription of Xanax. I rarely take it (which is why my current supply has expired), but just knowing it's available if I need it helps. So, if you find yourself sitting next to a woman clutching a little white tablet in her sweaty palm on your next flight, Hello, my name is Katherine.

I'm departing Sunday, and my first stop will be Antwerp. Hope you can join me, at least virtually. Although if anyone wants to show up in person and meet me for a beer, I'd be down for that too!